Not A Robot

 

There are so many things I did recently. It was all started since February. Not to complain about this, I just want to write it to release the stress. Because I know every choices has its own risks.

Started from January, I commits to work on another blog of mine. Joining with another friend, we are committed to post at least one writing every week with different theme each week. This is still under construction *ahem, ini bukan bangunan* to make it good to read at. I will publish it here once it is ready to be published. We both are trying to be consistent. So far, I have been consistent and always post one every week.

After decided to get married, I realize that it won't be that easy. No matter what, marrying someone never be easy. About the preparation and this and that. To be honest, I will not having a big feast for that. I will invite my close friends and family, although I still have to respect what my parents want to invite the neighbors (one block neighbors are totally fine, but this?? Auk ah gelap!).

Although it won't be a big feast, I still want to make it as a perfect wedding. So I decided to make my own online invitation as we don't know yet which specific date we will get married, yet, and I am not sure we can order a hard copy of invitation and make it done in a day, so I better create online one. It's not that I don't respect them (some people see it as a bad thing by doing so), but I have my own reason why I don't make the hard copy one.

I will be a super perfect in preparing the photograph for my wedding. You can do whatever you want to do, but I will choose the photographer by myself. Beside, I count on one of my besties to create the souvenir as I wish. She know what I want, and I know how she works. So I ask her help for that.

Other thing is make up. I give it to my mum, but a day or two before the big day, I want to have 'rehearsal' for the make up. As I really want it super simple and I want her to give what I want. I am picky for that kind of thing. And oh! One more thing is the songs. I collect the songs that I want to be in the wedding. Not about the songs of dangdut koplo seronok.

I also need to manage the documents as I wrote here that I visited consulate of The NL, also notary, and contact the sworn translator. Not only those stuff, I still have to manage and find a house to live after married. That is not an easy thing. I want to find a home, instead of a house. Believe me, it's all about heart and feeling. Also how click your feeling with that house. Not an easy job. Gladly, I found it. Hope it's not gone because I haven't pay for it yet. God, please keep that house for us.

Another thing is about work here. I was tricked by one of user and it is point me as the wrong one. Well.. I think I wasn't so focused that time then this problem is found. This is the first big mistake I've made for almost 2 years I am working here. It gave me a big pressure here. Got pressure from every one, especially I am not that into this new department. I am happy to work with my own team, but I am not that happy to work with them in same building. Mentally illness alert! Not for me only, but for other colleagues on my team.

That big problem came right on the same day I submit my resignation. Yes, I submit my resignation last week. I submit it to my supervisor. I told her that I want to quit. I said I have to prepare my wedding and need a lot of time taking days off. Well.. actually that is the second reason. The first reason is my own personal reason. It is not that easy to find another person to replace me, it also take time to find it, and take time to teach the new one again. I also considered as a first person in that team and have been in charge for many affiliates than the other people in team, so yes it is a big thing.

Another thing is last friday my mum told me that both grandma are sick. One grandma has dislocation on her back *mami terlalu petakilan, udah tua juga masih aja mindahin kasur buat dijemur*. It gives her so much pain in her back. She can't move her body that easy so we brought her to hospital. 2 days staying in hospital, she has been discharged yesterday. She need to do therapy as well. While the other grandma who is 95 yo also sick. It's like old people illness. But gladly she is getting better now.

But then, my mum is sick from yesterday. I think she got bacteria in stomach. Today she is a bit better. Gladly.

Another bad news coming from another family of mine. I couldn't write it in details but this is enough to make me mad. So mad like 'Hell!! even trash is better than you guys!'. Well.. it is proved by the time and time will heal as well.

I am tired. Writing is therapy for me. Time will heal and yes writing is one of healing therapy for me. And... I still studying Dutch. And his papa help me a lot in it. He always ask me the progress of learning *termasuk nanyain udah sejauh mana belajar renangnya, padahal aku nggak berangkat-berangkat belajar renang*. He is also so helpful although I have to think even deeper about what he has told me. But I am so grateful that he helps me a lot.

Yes, I am not a robot. I have feeling and I can be so tired in meantime. I am just an ordinary one.