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Book: The Midnight Library

It is one of the books that blown my mind. It's very well written and would probably relate with a lot of people who are in their journey to find themselves.  So many people are talking about it but I did not buy it until a few months ago where I read the preview on the first pages. Easy for me to see if I want to buy the book or not. When the first pages hook me right away, I don't need to think twice. This book is one of them.  This contains spoiler of course.  Nora, the main character, like many of us, fall into depression and decided to kill herself. But she's not dead right away. She went into a kind of limbo between life and death. In that library she met a librarian, this librarian is a kind of a guide. Our guide that probably tasked when we were born.    The librarian shows her lives that she could have had if she wants to. She is so depressed and thinks that no life will makes her happy enough to live it. I can totally understand her state. I was there....
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You'll Be Missed, Grandma

 
I took this flower-picture a few minutes before you leave us. That was the only time I leave you out of my sight.

It's been a week, you are not around. Usually you open my door in the morning while holding Molly the cat, and said "Wake up, don't be late to work" Haven't heard that for a week now. 

All of sudden you can't walk, you can't lift your arm, you can't talk properly you got a speech problem, you got a severe headache. Well it was not easy to bring you back to your room from the kitchen since you were well.. heavy. But I see it now as a kind of chance you gave me (and my lil sister) and I am thankful for that.

It was a stroke and you had more than 50% blockage blood vessels in your brain. It was weird since you felt nothing before and you were fine. Nothing different physically. We really hoped that you'll recover. We even got plans how to take care of you when you leave hospital.

But God knows better, right? God took you back right in front of me, my little sister and your first son.

We thought, you'll recover soon as you can lift your leg and arm although it was for a bit only. You even talked normal again. Even asked me how was the chicken curry you cooked the day you got the stroke. You even asked all of my friends. You were so chatty. That is why you knew all of my friends although you haven't meet them. You don't even need to see them and yet you always ask me about them. You recognize me. You recognize everyone who visit you there. How can I not think that you'll recover?

It is not easy for me. It is the first death I've seen with my own eyes, and it was yours. I saw you. I clearly saw you. My legs were frozen when doctor said that you're gone. I can't believe it. Ya how can I believe it if 30 mins ago for 2 hours you asked us to massage your legs and arms non stop while you were talking about people you know?

I tried to shake your body, who knows you'll wake up right? But no. You look like in a deep sleep. Can't really cry until I saw you were about to leave us. I am sorry, burst into tears that much when I saw you in your grave. It just too painful to see you leave us that suddenly.

But we will be too selfish if we want you stay with those pain you felt. I am sure it was too painful for you to survive.


Now you leave us to be with Papi. He's been waiting for you for 12 years and your grave is next to his. It is beautiful to see you both that way. You look so beautiful in your last moment.

So now, farewell grandma. Greeting to papi. Tell him we miss him so much. And mami, you'll be missed 💙

We love you.

Sat, 11 May 2019
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