Moscow Yes, all things I have and I do right now is all the things that I have written down on papers, during my sleeps, in my consciousness, in my visions. So let's do that again here. I have another dream that I really think of. It's the thing I want to do when I have so much money, or enough money, or when money doesn't matter anymore, or who knows! I wanna build a school for kids who can't afford to go to school. I want them to pay nothing, and I want them to learn the basic things like how to respect others, how to tell people their ideas/opinions, familiarize them with being kind, how to think logically, how to solve problems, etc. All the basic survival things in life. I think my passion is always in education, but I don't always like to follow the old-school rules. There are so many important things we don't learn at school that I think should be taught there. Once we graduate from school, we usually don't know how to navigate life. Who taught you...
I took this flower-picture a few minutes before you leave us. That was the only time I leave you out of my sight.
It's been a week, you are not around. Usually you open my door in the morning while holding Molly the cat, and said "Wake up, don't be late to work" Haven't heard that for a week now.
All of sudden you can't walk, you can't lift your arm, you can't talk properly you got a speech problem, you got a severe headache. Well it was not easy to bring you back to your room from the kitchen since you were well.. heavy. But I see it now as a kind of chance you gave me (and my lil sister) and I am thankful for that.
It was a stroke and you had more than 50% blockage blood vessels in your brain. It was weird since you felt nothing before and you were fine. Nothing different physically. We really hoped that you'll recover. We even got plans how to take care of you when you leave hospital.
But God knows better, right? God took you back right in front of me, my little sister and your first son.
We thought, you'll recover soon as you can lift your leg and arm although it was for a bit only. You even talked normal again. Even asked me how was the chicken curry you cooked the day you got the stroke. You even asked all of my friends. You were so chatty. That is why you knew all of my friends although you haven't meet them. You don't even need to see them and yet you always ask me about them. You recognize me. You recognize everyone who visit you there. How can I not think that you'll recover?
It is not easy for me. It is the first death I've seen with my own eyes, and it was yours. I saw you. I clearly saw you. My legs were frozen when doctor said that you're gone. I can't believe it. Ya how can I believe it if 30 mins ago for 2 hours you asked us to massage your legs and arms non stop while you were talking about people you know?
I tried to shake your body, who knows you'll wake up right? But no. You look like in a deep sleep. Can't really cry until I saw you were about to leave us. I am sorry, burst into tears that much when I saw you in your grave. It just too painful to see you leave us that suddenly.
But we will be too selfish if we want you stay with those pain you felt. I am sure it was too painful for you to survive.
Now you leave us to be with Papi. He's been waiting for you for 12 years and your grave is next to his. It is beautiful to see you both that way. You look so beautiful in your last moment.
So now, farewell grandma. Greeting to papi. Tell him we miss him so much. And mami, you'll be missed 💙
We love you.
Sat, 11 May 2019
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ReplyDeletehehehe pake google ndapapa :D
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