It is one of the books that blown my mind. It's very well written and would probably relate with a lot of people who are in their journey to find themselves. So many people are talking about it but I did not buy it until a few months ago where I read the preview on the first pages. Easy for me to see if I want to buy the book or not. When the first pages hook me right away, I don't need to think twice. This book is one of them. This contains spoiler of course. Nora, the main character, like many of us, fall into depression and decided to kill herself. But she's not dead right away. She went into a kind of limbo between life and death. In that library she met a librarian, this librarian is a kind of a guide. Our guide that probably tasked when we were born. The librarian shows her lives that she could have had if she wants to. She is so depressed and thinks that no life will makes her happy enough to live it. I can totally understand her state. I was there....
Chrysant
A few months ago I was in doubt about having kids. It disturbed me that much. That much. Should I have one or not at all? I was doubting, I doubted myself, I wasn't sure about the reasons why I want to have kids. Oh come on let's be realistic, world is getting worse isn't it? Education is not cheap. A lot of destruction going on. How can I be that selfish to let my kids growing up in the crumbling world we're live in?
I wasn't even sure if I could be a good mother for my kids.
I tried to look for the reasons why I shouldn't have kids. A lot of them are sensible reasons. Very sensible and logical. I turned myself from wanting kids right after I got married into someone who questions the idea of having kids.
Oh let me be clear here, I don't oppose people who want to have kids. It's totally your right. As long as you're being responsible. I love kids so much, don't get me wrong. I love them and I am good with them (for a few hours before sending them back to their parents). At least I don't make them cry when they're with me. Well, rarely!
I love how they teach me different things every time I am with them, and they keep reminding me of small things that made me happy. It's like I nurture my inner child with them and it feels great. Most importantly, they're always being honest. But, having a kid is a lifetime commitment. There could be an ex-partner but there are no ex kids. Am I right? I am not sure I can handle all of that pressure while I am still working on making myself better.
Yes, I am working on myself. I am working on knowing myself better, what I really want, what I am capable of, I am trying to get to know myself. It's not only about money, but being mentally prepared before having kids is also important. People said "You won't be ready until you're in that situation and forced to be ready" Well... okay I understand that. But like I said, kids are a big commitment in life. You can't refund/return them when something wrong happens, right?
Because I believe, happy kids are raised by happy mothers (and fathers).
All of those doubts are suddenly gone when I get to talk to my soul. Half of my soul was always there, deep down, reminded me of how and why I want to have kids. I just realize when I listened to my heart, about what I really want. My soul keeps me grounded. It's always there to remind me what I lost, remind me what I wanted to have, remind me how capable I am, how sensible I am, how good I can be if I want to. It's always there to keep me accompanied. All I need to do is just ... listen to it.
So, do I want to have kids in the future? Yes, I want to have my own. I am sure I am more than capable to be a good mother for them. Is adopting an option? Yes, that's also an option if I am capable of doing that. I want them, I have my reasons, but I don't know when to have them. They will be here when the time is right. All I need to do is being a responsible person for whatever choices I made or going to make.
This is not about supporting or opposing people who choose to have kids or no kids. Again, this is a thing I reflect on the past couple of months before I turned 30 until I found the answer to my doubts.
On the bright side, I am glad that more people are aware and brave to tell others that they don't want to have kids. I respect people who speak up for what they want instead of following what society expects them to be or to have. Women especially. I stand with you, ladies!
Any choice you're making whether it's childfree or not, it's totally your right and you should be proud of that. There's no one who knows you better other than yourself. You know what you're capable of doing. Any choice you're making is absolutely your prerogative. Do it at your own risk and be responsible for it. Let's not make a fuss over someone else's life choice, shall we? 😉
Stay sane, everyone. And oh! Get your vaccine. I am fully vaccinated now 😎😍 ((biggest flex this year lol))
setuju sista....menurutku itu hal wajar ada sedikit pikiran ke arah sana saat usia uda kepala 3. Tapi lagi lagi memang perkara ingin memiliki anak atau tidak menurutku adalah suatu keputusan yang sangat pribadi karena benar membesarkan anak tidak mudah, butuh komitmen besar,
ReplyDeleteiya mba, mana komitmennya ga bisa dibatalin lagi wkwkw. mana bisa bayinya direfund kan? emg ini keputusan besar banget. salut sama yg mampu juggling kehidupan pribadi dan ngurus anaknya. bener-bener two thumbs up banget!
Delete