A Home For My Thoughts

It is one of the books that blown my mind. It's very well written and would probably relate with a lot of people who are in their journey to find themselves.  So many people are talking about it but I did not buy it until a few months ago where I read the preview on the first pages. Easy for me to see if I want to buy the book or not. When the first pages hook me right away, I don't need to think twice. This book is one of them.  This contains spoiler of course.  Nora, the main character, like many of us, fall into depression and decided to kill herself. But she's not dead right away. She went into a kind of limbo between life and death. In that library she met a librarian, this librarian is a kind of a guide. Our guide that probably tasked when we were born.    The librarian shows her lives that she could have had if she wants to. She is so depressed and thinks that no life will makes her happy enough to live it. I can totally understand her state. I was there....

Lembongan dan Ceningan Few days ago I picked up my husband from the airport. It was raining a lot so I had to go by taxi. We went through airport toll which I paid with my card. Then when we arrived, I gave him 20K for parking that cost actually 12k. Doesn't matter I give it with tip. So I didnt ask for change.  A few mins later I noticed a notification that said I got charged for 14K, the price for toll. I usually never notice any notification but that day was different. So I chatted him asking why am I being charged for toll that I paid myself. He said, and I quote, “oh that is automatically done by the app.” I checked on the app website it said that the app will automatically charge you toll price when the route it takes show that you’re going through a toll. Then I thought, “ah yea maybe he couldn’t change it.” So I told him, “alright sir then I will report it to the app so they can easily help me to refund the money.” You know what he said, “no please don’t mam. I will refund ...

Is it a place? Or a feeling?  Let's dive in.  I told a friend of mine that I am feeling close to home since I live in Bali. I have never felt of feeling home anywhere. Every after 2 years of living in a city, I had the itch to move. I definitely never felt home in my parents place. It's their place, not mine.  I did not know that until I left the town to study in another city. There was some sense of relieve that I was out of that town. Yea sure people thought it's weird. "It is your home, you were born there." Yes, that's the definition of having a house while growing up. I think. Not the sense of belonging.  I dared to explore that feeling.  I told myself, "Let's get out of this town and be free." I still visit my parents of course, but I never stay longer than a week. I don't belong there.  Moving cities a few times, for work, school, and ended up living in Bali. I even told myself that I would never move to Bali for living, with several l...

I am grateful with my life. Doesn't really matter how annoying some parts of it, but I am content with the life that I am living. I had a lot of anger that I couldn't explain back then. I have been trying to untangle it one by one, and coming to a conclusion that I had become an emotional punching bag of my mother. My sister felt the impact even more.  Now don't get me wrong, I was raised right by my parents. I become a person that is not criminal, not a junkie either, a fearless one I might say, ready to take whatever hard steps in front of her. I value things differently. While, like any other Asian parents, societal approval is the most important thing. Happiness is a number XX, but showing off your wealth you have is a must. You know, like choosing the "safe" job like civil servant, married a fine guy, living together, having babies as soon as you get married, buy a house, buy a car (two if you can), the more the better. All of that.  And here's what many ...